Do you ever find yourself worrying, when talking to a woman, that she is not going to behave in a way that you want her to in order for you to know how she’s thinking about you? Do you fear hearing the words I love you, but I’m not in love with you? If you think you’re doing everything you can, but still getting nowhere, that might be a sign you should check your brain, brother.

If this sounds like you, you’re in the right place. You’re suffering from a Beta mindset and it’s holding you back. We developed this lower-brain function as cavemen to cope with a scary and unstable life, but this is the 21st century, and you have absolutely nothing to fear.

Join me on the podcast this week for the first of a three-part series on Beta Condition Manifestation. In this episode, you’ll discover why you, and only you, are holding yourself back when it comes to your relationships.

Want to know more about what I do and how I can help you? Sign up for a free 30-minute session with me, and I’ll show you how this works!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why no one is an Alpha 100% of the time.
  • How you are never in a relationship with another person, but your thoughts about that person.
  • Why there is nothing unnatural about the Beta condition.
  • What makes the bad boy, the perfectionist, and the nice guy Beta Men.
  • Why the Alpha state is rooted in honesty.
  • How being in Beta condition cultivates bad relationships.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:


Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha-mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.

What’s up, brothers. Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. And today, we’re going to start with the first part of a three-part series on beta condition manifestations, which basically means what happens when you’re in your beta mentality, what happens when you’re thinking, when your cognition is in that beta condition.

Now, before we start, I want to just mention two things very quickly. Number one is that nobody is an alpha male all the time. Being an alpha male means living in your higher-brain. It means recognizing the universal truth. It means managing your mind and supervising those sentences in your brain.

And there are times, there are circumstances that arise in our lives that trigger, that really just kind of drop us into our beta condition, where we have this, kind of, like a thought error, and we are no longer managing our thoughts and we kind of become our thoughts. And that’s when we become the beta condition.

And when we become the beta condition, we behave this way. We manifest those actions and those behaviors. And so no one is an alpha male all the time. It’s a skill set. It’s a skill set you develop and you become better at holding your alpha state. You become better at being the alpha male more often. And the more you develop this skill set, the more quickly you can switch back into alpha state when you recognize your behavior, your mind working in its beta condition.

So that’s the first thing I want to mention, that no one is an alpha male all the time. It’s a skill set that you develop and you kind of go back and forth. You learn to stay in alpha state longer.

The second thing I want to mention is there’s nothing wrong with the beta condition. There’s nothing wrong with acting like a beta male. The truth is that the beta condition is our survival brain. It’s necessary. It’s what we were in the caveman days. And it’s even what we were 1000 years ago, 200 years ago.

It is part of our evolution as human beings and that beta state, that beta condition is what keeps us alive. It’s the survival part of our cognition. And because it’s the survival part of our cognition, it has a lot of fear, it has a lot of scarcity, and again, it’s what kept us alive when we were cavemen because, back then, the world was hostile.

The world was something to be feared. We didn’t understand the world. We had no science. We had no sense of human community or human unity. You know, there were warring tribes, there was fear of predators, other animals. There was the fear of weather, you know, the elements of the earth.

There was a fear of eating the wrong thing that could kill us. So there was a lot of things going on in the world that we didn’t understand. We just didn’t know. We were early humans and our brain developed an ability to survive.

And now, that is what I call the beta condition. That is the little group of cells in your brain that create sentences in your mind. Now, these sentences have come from a development through childhood and what you make of the world, like what you make the world mean to you as your brain develops through your younger years. But it’s completely normal.

There’s nothing wrong with the beta state. The reason why it benefits you to learn to develop your skill set as an alpha male, to learn to be the awareness of your thoughts and deliberately choose your thoughts is so that you can live the life you deserve.

It’s so that you can have control over your mind instead of letting your mind kind of run your life, and you can live the best life possible. When you are in control of your cognition, you are creating the results in your life.

So, I’m not throwing betas under the bus, and I’m certainly not throwing the brain under the bus. I want you guys to know that. There’s nothing wrong with the beta state or the beta condition. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just simply not your best you. It’s the old you. It’s the ancestral you, it’s the archaic you, it’s the caveman you.

The true you in this 21st century is to develop your alpha fit, your alpha condition, so that you can literally create the world you want. The world is no longer hostile. We no longer have to be slaves of our beta mind, our beta condition.

So in this three-part series, I’m going to talk about women, I’m going to talk about health, and I’m going to talk about wealth. And I’m really going to describe the symptoms of the beta condition in those three areas. Today, we’re going to talk about the beta condition in relation to women, in relation to sex, in relation to dating, in relation to procreation; all those things that happen in your mind in relation to that other person, that woman.

Now, I’ve talked about relationships before and, of course, the tenet for the alpha is, you’re never in a relationship with a person; you’re only in a relationship with your thoughts about a person. But I’m going to go a lot deeper in this episode and I’m actually going to describe the beta condition as it manifests in different ways and as it manifests generally, and then the effects of that, like what does that mean? How is that affecting your life? What are the results that you’re getting from that?

So the first manifestation is the bad boy, the bad boy beta condition. Now, the bad boy beta condition is not the same as the driven alpha condition, alpha state. The bad boy is the beta who compares himself to the woman and does whatever he can to make himself superior, to bring himself above her.

So he will do a lot of bragging. If you guys go into bars or you listen to your friends talk to women or if you hear guys talk to women and you hear a lot of bragging or you hear a lot of arrogance, this is the bad boy beta condition. The inner self, this bad boy, is actually fearful of who he is. He’s not confident in who he is, so he makes himself appear greater than who he is by building himself up or by putting her down.

You may often hear some backhanded compliments happening in the bars, like, you know, giving a compliment, but then giving a compliment in a way where it’s kind of an insult at the same time. That’s a backhanded compliment. That’s something that the bad boy beta condition does.

There’s a false sense of confidence. It looks like confidence, but it’s actually arrogance. The bad boy beta condition is going to deny faults. They can’t tolerate rejection. No beta can tolerate rejection because they think that it means something is wrong with them or something is wrong with the other person. I’m going to get to that in a second, but they will deny faults because of that.

Sometimes, bad boys will lie, but they almost always exaggerate their accomplishments, because again, they’re building themselves up. They are attempting to make themselves superior. In their world of comparison, they need to be better than the woman. That’s the bad boy beta condition.

Now, the nice guy beta condition is kind of like the other side of that coin. So the nice guy beta condition is where he is going to build up the woman with excessive compliments, kind of putting her on a pedestal. You guys have probably heard that before, putting a woman on a pedestal. Or there will be some kind of self-deprecating remarks where he is allowing his low self-esteem or the way he thinks about himself to show up and self-deprecate himself – again, it’s just the opposite of the bad boy – to make her feel superior.

Now, both the bad boy and the nice guy are manipulators. They’re trying to manipulate the woman to think or feel a certain way by the way they are talking about themselves or the other person – again, with the backhanded compliment from the bad boy or with the excessive compliments from the nice guy.

Nice guys fear rejection as well. They’re people-pleasers, they’re approval-seekers. It’s like I’m going to kill them with kindness. I’m just going to be so kind to this woman that she will eventually think that I’m a great guy and she’ll date me, she’ll be in a relationship with me.

The third type of beta condition is the perfectionist, which is still in the fear-based mindset, but a little bit different than the bad boy and the nice guy because the perfectionist is the one who will not accept any standard short of perfection. So sometimes, you’ll look at them and they’ll be procrastinating from fear of failure, because they have to be perfect. If they can’t be perfect, why do it all?

But they always believe there is a right way to do everything. There’s always a right way to do everything. There’s a right way to walk, there’s a right way to dress, there’s a right way to talk, there’s the right words to say. And so because of that, they will oftentimes not even approach a woman because they have to be perfect.

But what they do in their relationships is they kind of hold their woman at a distance, they hide from her out of fear that if she were to know who he really is and find out that he really is not perfect, then he’s worried that she will think differently about him. So, all beta men are manipulators. They’re trying to manipulate the thinking of their partner, their woman.

Now, perfectionists are critical of themselves, of their own critical self-evaluations, but they’re also concerned with other people’s evaluations. So that is the three, kind of, beta manifestations, beta condition manifestations. But let me get into some generalities.

And again, guys, I want you to really pay attention to these symptoms because you should know that you don’t have to live this way. You don’t have to be this way with women. You can be a fully purpose-driven confident man and be attractive and magnetic to women, rather than going after them with this sort of beta condition mindset.

And the beta is mentally concerned and occupied with what women think about him. That’s kind of where it all begins. The beta is always wondering about what she thinks about me. Like, what is she thinking about me?

You know, there’s always this looking, there’s always this, how can I make her think a certain way about me? How can I get in there and manipulate that mind by saying or doing that, really, I think that she wants me to? Again, it’s thinking about her as opposed to being yourself.

And I know that that’s kind of a weird philosophical statement, just be yourself. It’s one of those thought-terminating clichés where it’s like, “Yeah, just be yourself.” But, as an alpha male, you know who you are and you know what you want, so you are always yourself.

And that’s what I talked about last episode in the definition of being an alpha male, where you’re the same in all situations, including situations where you’re speaking with an attractive woman, where you’re cold-approaching a beautiful woman.

So the beta is mentally concerned and occupied what women think about him. So if you’re ever afraid of doing something wrong or saying something wrong when you approach a woman, if you’re ever worried that she’s not going to accept you – check this out, guys, does this resonate with you? Have you ever been concerned, when you talk to a woman, that she is not going to behave in a way that you want her to in order for you to know how she’s thinking about you?

Has your mind ever gone there before? That is a beta conditioned mindset. That is the fear-based mind of thought where you’re trying to appear or show up in a way where you want her to show up and appear in a way. Now, listen to that. You’ve got to think about what I said there because if that is you, if you go into an approach hoping that what you say will elicit a specific response, then you are in a beta condition because you basically have a script.

You have a script, not just for yourself, but you have a script for her too, and it never works like that. It doesn’t work like that, brother. It just doesn’t. Being in that alpha state, it’s really just kind of being in the moment and kind of this back and forth. If you have a script for yourself or have a script for what she needs to say back to you, that is a beta condition.

You are in your mind of fear hoping that what you say will elicit a specific or general response. Now, the other part about being in beta condition is that the beta cares too much about what other people think about him and he will behave as such.

Now, I’m going to spend another minute on this because when I say this to people, a lot of times, I get the response, “Oh, that’s not me. I don’t care what people think.” Now, I get this from a lot of men. I get this from a lot of women, pretty much anytime I say, do you care what other people think about you, the answer is always no, an emphatic, “No, I don’t care what people think about me. I’m myself. I do what I do.”

And then, I observe these people in relationships and I find out the opposite is true. I find out the opposite is true because actions speak louder than words. Like, you might want to believe that you don’t care what other people think about you, but I want you to observe yourself in relationships, bro.

I want you to because the first step in growth is honesty. The first step in change is knowing where you are. And if you can’t be honest with yourself, then you’re never going to get the results you want. So just take a look at yourself in your relationships. How do you show up in relationships?

Do you really not care about what other people think, or do you? The truth is, most people do and say they don’t. So really pay attention to that. The beta male is going to be apologetic. There’s going to be this worry of being offensive.

Now, I’m going to go ahead and throw out the me too movement here in my podcast, probably the first time I’ve mentioned the Me Too movement in my podcast, and I think that that movement has created a beta mentality. It’s kind of adding to the beta condition. And it should because it’s basically creating fear in men.

It’s creating fear about how to behave and that fear is the beta condition. But I’m going to tell you guys, that beta condition is the apologetic. It’s being worried about being offensive. I’m going to say this and I’m going to say this with complete boldness and with complete confidence, that women would rather you be a confident alpha male who knows yourself and isn’t worried about offending people than towing around some sort of political correctness and showing up as somebody other than yourself, trying to manipulate her and trying to be somebody you’re not. That is the truth.

That is the truth that I believe and that is a truth that I have experienced. So that being said, there is a lot of apologeticness coming from the beta condition. It’s sort of this, I’m sorry for being a man, type of thing, I don’t want to be offensive, right?

Now, I’m not saying that alpha men are offensive. What I’m saying is that the beta male is apologetic for who he is and tries to be something other than who he is.

Beta men get jealous. If you feel jealous, then you need to check your brain, my friend. You need to check your mind, because when you feel jealousy, you are operating in the beta condition. You are allowing the sentences in your brain to run unchecked, and it is not attractive.

Jealousy is not attractive. Jealousy is not sexy. Jealousy is not going to bring your relationship closer and it’s not going to get you closer to a woman. Your jealousy is really a reflection of the way you think about yourself, and that is apparent to women. They know that when that happens.

Beta men can be arrogant or they can be overly complimentary. A lot of beta men won’t even approach because they have this fear of rejection. Now, this next one I’m going to say – I want you to think about this one and see if it resonates with you as well – if she is not interested, if you cold-approach and you find out she’s just not interested, even if you’re not interested, like if there’s just no chemistry, there’s no conversation, it’s just not working out, the beta male will take it personally.

And he will either make it mean there’s something wrong with him, or there’s something wrong with her. And it’s going to depend on the comparison factor. It’s going to depend on whether it’s the bad boy beta condition or the nice guy beta condition.

The nice guy beta condition, there’s something wrong with me, I didn’t say the right thing, I didn’t do the right thing, it’s kind of that perfectionist beta condition. The bad boy beta condition is, there’s something wrong with her, she’s fucked up, she’s not good enough, there’s something wrong with her, she made a mistake.

The alpha is, well, whatever, it is what it is. I got my chance to share my time with this person, it didn’t work out, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, right? There’s literally billions of women on the planet. There’s nothing wrong with her. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just going to go my way.

That’s the alpha because the alpha manages the mind to say that there is no fear. So if you ever take it personally when she rejects you, just recognize that that’s the beta condition. She is not rejecting you. She is rejecting herself, and that goes back to the thoughts.

Her actions come from her Model. Her actions come from her thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s just thinking a certain way that’s creating an action from her. There’s nothing to do with you. There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with her.

But if you think that, then check your mind. You’ve got to manage your mind around that beta condition. The big one is that since the beta does not manage his own mind, since he’s not in control of his own mind and lives in the belief that other people can make him feel a certain way, he tries to manipulate people. That’s the big one.

He tries to control the circumstance. And you guys know that the circumstance is uncontrollable. And it is for this reason that the beta will fear other people and he fears the power that he gives them. That is the big one because the beta is not aligned with the universal truth.

The beta is under the illusion that the universal truth is out of order, that he can control circumstances, but that he doesn’t control his own thoughts about them. And that’s backwards, my friends. That’s backwards, bro, because it’s only the mind that can be managed and it is the mind that is the beta condition. So you manage the beta, you supervise that, and you are acting and living as your alpha.

So let’s finish up here with some of the effects of these three manifestations in actual relationships. To start with, there are beta men that will be in relationships. Like, look, I know guys who are betas who are in relationships. They are. They have girlfriends, they have wives. And when that happens, there is always some kind of suffering.

There is always some kind of suffering. For the bad boy beta condition, they end up dating the same broken woman over and over again. And it’s not their fault. It’s not that they’re breaking the women But understand that if you’re going to cold-approach, if you’re going to flirt with, if you’re going to try to date women by acting in the bad boy beta condition, by giving backhanded compliments, by making yourself superior, then the women that are going to wanting to be with you are going to be broken.

They’re going to be those types of women that are needy, that need you all the time, that are always suspicious of you, that are always suspicious of what you’re doing, what’s going on. They have low self-esteem in themselves, and that is never satisfying for you. You deserve to have a mentally healthy woman, right?

But it’s also more detrimental to you, my brother, when you actually meet a woman who is whole, who has her shit together, who is the package. And when she is whole and you’re like, “This is it, she’s the bomb, this is great, we’ve got a great relationship…” she’s going to end up leaving you because she’s going to call your shit very, very fast.

And I’ve seen it happen to my buddies that are in that bad boy beta mentality, you know, a lot of athletes growing up, very jockish, got that arrogant personality, that they think they’re the bomb, they think they’re the shit. And either they end up dating these women who are constantly needy, constantly complaining, constantly bitching, constantly trying to control them because they can’t control themselves. Or, they find this amazing woman and the relationship just doesn’t last because she leaves.

So, that’s the effect of the bad boy. With the nice guy, the nice guy is also going to repel quality women for the opposite reason. But understand that the nice guy is going to kind of have these women that want nice men around – like they’re going to get into a relationship where the woman is like, “He’s a really nice dude…”

Like, where are all the quality men – I hear a lot of women say, where are all the quality men? And there’s a lot of nice guys out there, but women don’t find nice guys to be quality men because they need to be excited. They need to know that you are in control of yourself, that you can take control of a situation, that you are driven for something other than her.

The nice guy is so involved with her, like she is the bomb, that he’s not really being driven by anything else. So what the nice guy is going to hear – tell me if you’ve heard this – the nice guy is going to hear, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”

It’s like, “I just need some time for myself.” Have you ever been in a relationship where the sex starts to slow down and maybe even stop? That’s because you’re a nice guy. I’m telling you right now, man. If that’s the case, if you’re kind of in this roommate situation with your girlfriend or you guys live together but you’re not passionate about each other, that’s a nice guy situation.

And the reason for that is because you’re super nice. Like, she really likes you, but she’s starting to friend-zone you, bro. You’re starting to become a friend to her. There’s no more passion. Nobody wants to sleep with a pushover. No one wants to have sex with somebody who’s just like, “He’s just so nice, you know…” That’s why she says to you, I love you but I’m not in love with you.

So, the nice guy is going to repel quality women as well, and the women that he is going to end up with will eventually move on. So both the bad boy and the nice guy are going to get into relationships.

The perfectionist is going to get into relationships too, but it’s always going to be at that distance. He doesn’t berate women or artificially elevate them, but he keeps them at an arm’s length because he’s afraid that if she knows who he really is, she’s going to find out he’s not perfect.

And that reduces or even eliminates vulnerability, connection, closeness, intimacy. So the perfectionist, his relationship again will last only until she decides that she wants a real connection. She wants somebody who’s not afraid to show her who she is, somebody who’s not afraid of himself. That is the commonality between all beta condition manifestations.

Alright, guys, so in conclusion, if any of these symptoms or if any of these results are showing up in your life, just be aware that these behaviors and these results are a manifestation of your thinking. They are coming from your thoughts, and that is the best news.

That’s great news because the beta condition is not who you are. The beta condition is a product of the sentences in your brain and you can elevate your alpha at any time, anytime.

That’s all I got for you today, guys. Thank you for being with me. Join me next week. We’re going to talk about the beta condition as it manifests in health. We’re going to talk about how it shows up in your physical health. So until then, as always, unleash your alpha.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha – your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset – at


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